I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of January. I was seriously so excited I couldn't contain it. The night I took the test all I could do was smile at Brett. I just couldn't believe that we were finally going to get the baby that we had been working 9 months for. Everything was falling into place and it all felt so perfect. I went to the doctor 3 days later and we did an ultrasound. They baby was measuring 5 weeks and 4 days. We printed out the picture and hung it on the fridge. Life was perfect. Our parents and families were so excited. I had every symptom except throwing up(perfect right?!).
Our next appointment was on February 6th and I couldn't wait to hear a little heartbeat. We went into the doctors office and all of a sudden I had that "somethings wrong" feeling...my doctor placed the monitor thing on my stomach and we couldn't hear anything...he kept trying and trying and I kept getting more worried and worried. He went and got the ultrasound machine and jellied me up. He measured the baby and it only measured 7 weeks and 2 days. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. I was crushed. We took some blood that day and I went back 2 days later and took more blood. My HCG levels were dropping rapidly. It was confirmed that I was miscarrying.
Passing the baby was horrible and it was the worst pain I have ever been in. Once I passed it I got the most calming feeling and felt that everything was going to be ok. I couldn't cry anymore. I had to be strong and move my life forward.
It still hurts to see pregnant women but I know that one day that'll be me and everything will be fine. It seems like everyone and their dogs are pregnant too, like Snooki! seriously?! of all people!!!
I'm thinking that this is my trial in life..this is the one that will take me to my lowest point but I know I can rise above it...I am stronger than that.
Anyway...I needed to write this. It was almost therapeutic and today I was having a really hard day and writing this out really helped. Sorry it was such a long post and probably pretty boring..oh well though...deal with it....
Allie I'm so sorry to hear this! :( As if being pregnant isn't stressful in itself. I'm sorry you have to go through this. My only advice is to really take advantage and enjoy your time with just you and your husband until that sweet little baby comes into your life :) It will happen, and then you'll wonder what you ever did without them! Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for you. Just wait for the joy when you finally do bring that baby home? (come to think of it, you're going to be busy in Heaven with two children already there. . . You will be a fantastic mother when the time comes. . keep your chin up and smile.
ReplyDeletePoohs... :) I'm so sorry to hear this and wish there was something I could do! Just remember you are so strong and that when the time I right heavenly father will give you that precious baby you have been waiting for. Just keep your head high and think positive. You are in my prayers!!! Love you!!!
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ReplyDeleteAllie Girl, I am so sorry! I am started to cry as I write this! I am totally a firm believer though that these trials that we go through do make us stronger, and although right now it sucks and we don't know why we have to go through the things we do, it will be worth it in the end! You (and Brett) are such strong people and you and your families are in my thoughts and prayers! I know there is probably not much I can do, and I wish there was, but let me know if there is, even if you need an old high school friend to talk to :) Love you girl! Hang in there!
ReplyDelete(sorry about the "removed comment above", I messed up ha)