what a freakin week!!

I wish it was Thanksgiving so that I could sit at the table and tell everyone all of the things that I am thankful for...but since its only September...well almost October...this blog will have to do.

1. I am so thankful that I finally have a job. And its a big girl job. I work 40 hours a week! Woohoo! I know, I know, I sound totally crazy to be excited about working 40 hours a week. But in all seriousness I am so thrilled. Not only am I feeling like an adult now but I am also making a contribution to my marriage. For the last 4 months I have been relying on my amazing husband for money. I felt bad everytime I spent money because he was the one working hard for it and then here I go spending it. I even felt guilty buying groceries. Seriously you ask. Yes, seriously! I felt horrible spending his hard earned money, even though it was on something that meant we would live another day. While I was un-employed I went through a phase. It was a hard thing to not be employed and not be supporting my new family. I hated how I felt and I hated that I sat at home all day and didn't do anything while my husband was at work. I had low self esteem and a lot of people noticed. I would get angry at stupid little things and then just start crying and telling my husband that I felt horrible because I basically did nothing all day but sit and submit resumes to tons of businesses. Then the "door" opened and I had 3 interviews. I got offered 2 jobs and accepted the job that was going to benefit me and my family in the long run. I love my job so far and get so excited to go to work everyday. I love how I feel about myself. I am so proud and happy now and my relationship with my husband is even better than before. :)

2. I have learned this week to always thank God for what you have because in a split second your world can fall to pieces and with out God you WILL NOT be able to put the pieces back together. My dad has this thing with his heart called A-Phib(sp). It means that his heart beats out of normal rhythm. This is definitely not a good thing. He's had it before and has had to have a procedure to fix it. So when he told us that it was happening again...for the 4th time...I kinda just said "alright well lets get it over with". I had no idea what could go wrong.

9am Monday morning my dad checked in to the hospital for the procedure. My husband and I met him and my mom there. 11am the doctors came and took my dad to the O.R. which meant that my mom, husband and I had to sit and wait for 4 hours while they do the procedure. Naturally we went and got lunch. Then hubby and I left to go run some errands. Hubby left for work at 2 and then I showered for the day(late in the day, I know). My mom calls me at 4 and said that the doctor just came out and said that the procedure went great and that his heart his back into rhythm and that they were just taking him to post-op now and that she can see him in just a few minutes. Mom calls me and tells me the great news. Then everything went wrong....my mom called me at 420 and said that the doctor just came back and told her that my dad wasn't waking up and couldnt breath on his own. They put him back on the ventillator to keep him breathing but he still wasnt waking up. Luckily I live right next to the hospital so I left my apartment and got over within 2 minutes. By the time I got to his room in the ICU he was waking up. But he looked horrible. His face was the same color as his grey hair and he had the ventillator down his throat. Shear panic hit me and I had so many thoughts running through my head....this is my dad. I am only 21 and cant live the rest of my life without my dad. He was the only man I could count on for so long in my life and I am not ready for him to be gone. I called my husband bawling and he left work(lucky again...he works right across the street from the hospital). By the time he got there my dads color was a little better. But the tube was still in. My poor dad was panicked and kept signing to us that he couldnt breath. Worst thing to be told! We had to keep reassuring him that he was ok and that he just needed to let the maching breath for him. Anyway...a lot more went on but this post is getting long....needless to say they think that either the fluids they pumped in him during the procedure got into his lungs or that he aspirated during the procedure. We are still waiting on the test results but he got the ventillator out Tuesday morning and was released this morning.

I have learned to be greatful for everything that you have. Never take anything for granted because it can be taken away from you as fast as you can snap that little finger. I love my family so much and cant imagine not having one of them around. I pray that this is the last time my dad and my mom have to see the inside of a hospital(unless its for the birth of a little baby).